christmas

We had a nice Christmas with the girls. This year Annabella was excited about opening her gifts.

back home

I FINALLY made it home late last night. After an overnight stay in Houston, all three of us made it safely home to Jorge. With all the luck in the air around me, my bags did not make it. Christmas goodies and my camera are still somewhere else. I hope everything gets back to me soon!

Once I get the camera, I will post pictures. And, I will post more about my trip.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas.

packed and ready

I am exiting the blogging scene for a month. I am flying into Indianapolis tomorrow and staying for a month. Hopefully my trip will be both fun and enjoyable. It is going to be difficult walking away from Jorge tomorrow in the airport. I hope that Annabella doesn't cry or I will probably lose it. Our flights are doable. Two hours to Houston and two hours to Indianapolis. I hope the girls cooperate with me. We are on a small plane for both flights. One seat on one side of the plane and two on the other, making my life easier. Two seats to ourselves and no worries of little feet kicking neighbors.

Wish me luck and I will see most of you soon!

hanging on & free time

There comes a time when those favorite little outfits don't fit your baby anymore. Or in my case, babies. Having the girls so close in age was a benefit to my pocket book because most of the clothes that Bella wore, Emily wore as well. Having done that I have grown even more attached to some of the clothes I bought for them.

I had always known and planned to go through their clothes and give them to Goodwill. I also knew there were some clothes I couldn't come to terms with parting with them. You see the little clothes and it reminds you of them. How can you give that away?

The problem is there is no Goodwill here. If we try to give them away, most likely that person will sell them. That is not my intention. I came up with a better solution (and I am sure I am not the first person to think of this and I know this for a fact after talking to Colin). Plus, I have plenty of free time. I cut up all the clothes and made a blanket for each of the girls. This way I can see the clothes that I love and remind me of them being so little and hopefully they can use them on their babies (ok, I am thinking ahead a little too far :) ).

Here are the results.

Bella's blanket

Emily's blanket

If you look closely you might see something you bought for them!

a little early

Next week at this time I will be packing my bags to get ready to catch a flight the next morning. I won't return until the evening of December 22. I don't want to mess around with putting the tree up so close to Christmas Day.

We went to the Home Depot to look at their selection of trees and decor. They were cheaper than Wal-Mart/Bodega. We got a small tree and some lights and just two boxes of ornaments. I have a box of ornaments that I plan to bring back. You know, the kind that don't match and have been collected over the years. My mom has bought a few for the girls to start a collection for them.

So far Emily has been pretty good around the tree. She gets interested and wants to touch, but "No, Emily" has been working. Annabella, on the other hand, has broken one of the ornaments (**update; now two). She wants to touch them. She grabs them and says, "ball".

I love having the tree up. I would keep it up all year long if it weren't too tacky. I hope having it up doesn't make Jorge too sad while we are gone. We will miss him.

the little things

I am usually not the type of person that gets excited over the little things. Actually, I don't get *excited* that often. I am going to blame that on my personality. When things happen it is usually because I have planned it that way. All of you reading this blog know that I am pretty anal when it comes to anything.

Living here has changed that. I have been removed from my element and thrown into a place where nothing is familiar. So when I see something that is familiar I go crazy with excitement.

In this little town there isn't much in the way of grocery items that I would want or need. There is one store in particular that I always joke about only having cookies, rice, beans and cleaning products. The aisles are crowded with those. I should take pictures the next time I am there to show you what I mean. I can't talk total trash about that store because it does carry Dawn dish soap (the only place I have found it so far--I am brand loyal and that is a big problem here).

We found a gemstone the other day when we were driving back from the border. We needed to stop and buy a gift and a birthday cake for Jorge's little brother, Paul. He turned 8 on the 23th of October. We stopped at the Bodega (a branch of Wal-Mart) in the town that is about 20 minutes from our town, called San Juan. We walked through the automatic doors and I thought I heard the angels singing. It is just like a Wal-Mart. Big, lots of stuff like electronics, clothing, decor and groceries. The Bodega here in Jalos is small and has no variety of anything. Of course we found the actual Wal-Mart in Aguascalientes (about 1 1/2 hours from us), where we go every 3 weeks or so. But to go there is a much longer trip with toll roads. This place is like driving to Greenwood for us. I LOVE it!

I needed some groceries and certain ingredients that I know we don't have here so we went there today and I found a BIG jackpot. I have been craving brownies for a long time and couldn't find them but today that all changed. Jorge thought I was going to cry I was so happy when I saw them.

I have also found block and shredded mozzarella cheese, romaine lettuce, Welch's white grape juice, a oh so lovely frozen cheesecake, Kraft Singles (you know the slices of American cheese) and the list could go on.
They now have all their Christmas decorations out. Whoa! They are pricey. A standard set of lights to go on the tree are $19. I will be buying some items in the US and bringing them back.
I get to experience the joy of the small things down here. My mom always laughs when I tell her my crazy stories about finding items that I couldn't find before. I am sure there are plenty of things down here but there is a lack of those giant stores that carry everything under the sun here which makes finding things more difficult. Shopping in the US is easy and you can find anything. I am stuck here now so I will look forward to all the things that have yet to be found.

another circus

Yes another circus is in town. The previous one just left a few days ago and the new one is setting up. This will be the third circus to come to Jalos since I got here in May. I guess the people in the circus business know there is not much to do around here so people will attend all of them.

Well, I think we will pass this time. The last one was enough excitement to last a year or so. We were able to take advantage of them being in town just by seeing all the animals. They have them scattered all across the big lawn where they are setting up. You could walk up to all of them. I guess they are not worried about anyone being bit or hurt. We kept a safe distance. There were a lot of different animals there: monkeys, tiger, lion, pumas, bobcat, ostriches, pigs, ducks, goats, camels, miniature horses, llamas... We took our time (we have plenty of it here) and walked around letting Bella see all of the animals. She gets pretty excited.

Happy Halloween!

cemetery

Here are so pictures that I took of the cemetery here in Jalos. It is a lot more interesting than the cemeteries in Indy. Some of the tombs you can see inside and the coffin is visible. I saw one that was obviously a baby. Very sad.

(Above) This wall of tombs held babies and children. These were the ones you could see inside.

(Right) They have built the sidewalk and covered half of this tomb. I guess this person has been buried twice.

(Left) There were several tombs like this one where the concrete slabs were missing or broken. Scary!






(Right) This was a window on the side of one of the personal buildings in the cemetery.

(Right) This shows you how deep each plot on the ground is. It allows them to stack 5 coffins on top of one another.

(Left) I hope these two were not overlooked! Why are there extra coffins laying around?

(Right) In this picture I was standing on the ground and looking down. They built this wall of tombs in the ground.

bad hair cut

Oh, and I haven't mentioned to some of you that I got my hair cut about a month ago down here. You might have noticed from the picture in the previous entry that my hair is shorter than usual.

I took pictures from my last hair cut in the States so the lady could see exactly how it should be cut. Well, I guess she is either blind or dumb because she got it all wrong.

Here is what it was supposed to look like.

And after I chopped at it for a few days to get it to look like a style, this is what I got.

When I left the salon I could have killed the lady with just my look. I think I was capable of shooting laser beams out of my eyes. She told Jorge we didn't have to pay (but he did). She cut about 2 to 3 inches more than she should have. Oh I was so mad!

bad day

The drive to the border put me in a funk I wasn't expecting or wanting. I just can't shake this mood I am in. I just started walking in a very long tunnel and I am ready to see the light at the end but I don't think it is ever going to come.

I think I am just losing the battle. I came to Mexico with several thousands of dollars and it is basically gone (bills, moving expenses, furniture, you name it). I came to Mexico with hope and it is gone. I came to Mexico thinking this might not be that bad and so far that thought is gone.

I am now in the "what if" stage. What happens when I don't have a job anymore? At some point I am assuming that will happen. How will we survive on such little money? How will I provide for my children? How will we be able to keep the car? How will we pay rent and other bills? How will we manage for several years? Will I have to go back and our family will have to be torn apart? I just want to stomp my feet and yell "this isn't fair" but I know that won't help.

This curve ball life has thrown at me is challenging me in every possible way. I am exhausted from all the battles. I am ready for something to go right. I am ready for someone to tell me that it will all be OK and it be true. I am ready for it to start getting easier. I am ready to stop feeling like crap. I am ready to feel like I have a life instead of feeling like I am waiting for something.

I probably will never be able to explain how I feel exactly. I usually hide all my feelings deep down inside because it just eats up at Jorge too much when I let them fly. He feels it is his fault that I am here. And I would never put the blame on him.

For the first couple months I couldn't stop being sad and very emotional and it just made him depressed and he told me to go back. How can I not be with my husband? I don't have that ability to be away from him for long periods of time. How can I take his children away from him? It is not like they are older and can understand. They are babies and need him around. He needs them around.

This entry is not the kind of entry I intended to be on this blog but right now it is all I can think about so I am hoping by writing it some of the feelings will disolve.

I told Jorge we need to go for a walk downtown and try to forget about our bad luck. I might take the camera and take pictures for all of you.
I promise a happier more upbeat post next time.

the border

We had to drive up to the border yesterday in order to renew the permit on our car. The picture above is where we had to go. There is no way around the 11 hour drive (one way). They have to physically remove the sticker from your windshield and the person the vehicle is registered to has to be present. So, every six months we have to repeat this process. FUN!!

The whole way up I didn't feel anything, just anxious to get this drive over. Once we got into Nuevo Laredo I started thinking about how close we were to the US border. The road that leads us to the building to do all the paperwork runs parallel with the small river that separates the US from Mexico. I could have thrown a rock and have it land in Laredo, TX.

I was MAD! Almost crying mad. I didn't think I would have any bad feelings, but being so close and seeing the US was heart wrenching. You could see Wendy's, McDonald's, hotels, banks and homes in the US. I just sat there in the car thinking how ridiculous it was that we can't cross that stupid border. Well, I can but my husband can't.

How is that OK? I know he did something that by law he was not supposed to do, crossed the border illegally. But, why is it not OK for some people to come to the US? The United States is a melting pot of every nationality. My great grandmother came from Germany. What family can go back a few generations and claim to have been from the US?

It is just so frustrating going through this whole process. The not knowing is killing me and I am just short of 6 months into the situation.

I have been so removed from the US this whole time that it is easy to not think about it. Yes, I think about things I don't have here (like groceries and such), but I don't really think about *it*. I stay in the house most of the time and avoid reality.

Being yards away from the US just put a stake through my heart. It is something I want so badly but feel helpless to get it.

I know I should just accept this and be thankful for everything I have but sometimes that is not easy. We have our health and that is more than some people can say so I will try and think of it that way.

not everything is bad

The sky is beautiful today. That is one good thing about Mexico, it is rarely overcast (or not sunny) here. We are always looking for the positives!