Friday, October 17, 2008

nervous wreck

I have never been so nervous at a circus before. I guess I must first tell you that Mexico doesn't have any sort of safety regulation or standards. This is an "enter at your own risk" type of country.

Before the show even got started there was a nervous feeling that came over me. We walked into the tent and I looked at the bleachers and refused to sit anywhere except for the row that your feet were on the ground. The part your butt went on were overlapping (yes, I said overlapping) boards of wood. Rope was securing them to the steel support beams. What the...? I was expecting them to collapse at any moment.

It first started with a man (Tarzan) and a woman (Jane) swinging around on those long scarf looking things. In the middle of their routine the music started skipping and they finished without the music. With the lack of music you can hear the wench pulling and releasing the cord to raise and lower them. I thought any second it would snap. I think they used that same wench when the ark was built (that is if they had wenches back then).

Then there was a guy that was on this trapeze type swing in the air (it was operated by the same wench) and in one of his balancing acts he lost balance and I almost lost my bladder control.

Then they brought out the elephant and since the evening was starting off with a bang, scenes from those crazy moments caught on tape type of shows with elephants going wild in small areas kept going through my mind. They say third times a charm and THANK GOD this was the third act. No problems!

Then the circus crew took about 10 minutes to set up the net for the trapeze artists. Three guys (one was Tarzan) in army fatigue were standing under the net and music sounded, boy band music followed by "I'm too sexy" and they stripped off their outfits to reveal white skin tight pants. They might has well been naked. I thought I was at a strip club and asked Jorge if he had any ones.

Then Snow White and 5 out of the 7 dwarfs came out. I guess the other 2 had a little too much tequila. Snow White then removed the bottom part of her dress revealing a semi-thong. Half of her butt-cheeks were showing. I guess it was only fair to the men to have a half dressed women since just an act earlier we had 3 male strippers. She proceeded to swing around in the air on this hoop (operated by the same zillion year old wench).

They did bring out a horse and a goat and a llama. Tarzan was handling the animals as well. And between acts he was selling those twirly light things. I guess you have to multi-task when they only charge $2 for admission.

We ended up leaving early because our nephew was hungry and likes warm formula. Of course there was no microwave or any other contraption to warm the water.

I can only image what the rest of the show was like.


Colin said...

I think I just lost bladder control reading this.

So funny!

Also funny is that the device I think you were referring to is actually spelled "winch," whereas "wench" is a medieval term for a woman -- or, more specifically, a prostitute.

And what you wrote is even funnier when you picture a zillion-year-old hooker pulling and releasing a cord on a couple half-naked acrobats.

Amy Strain said...

I never really liked the idea of a circus...

Thanks for the laugh!

Valarie said...

Yeah, you are correct Col. I kept looking at that word and think it wasn't correct but went with it anyway.